On the Road Again...

My first shift back after the whole pneumonia debauchery was eventful. 

To begin I had ten calls in twelve hours.  Busy but not the busiest I have ever had.

The thing that stood out about this shift was how critically ill and/or injured eight of those ten patients were.

Truly I really got to use my clinical knowledge and skill.  It felt really good to be able to have to REALLY think and be able actually see improvement in my patients post intervention.

Honestly not to sound like a sap but this shift really reminded me why I love being on the job and why I love EMS and want to do this for the long haul. 

Too often in the midst of bullshit calls, bitchy patients, even bitchier supervisors, and the bitchiest dispatchers it is easy to lose perspective and really remember why we do what we do and why we fell in love with EMS in the first place. 

I remember being wide eyed and bushy tailed when I first began what feels like eons ago.  I remember each call, even the bullshit ones being exciting. 

I remember the new provider innocence before I knew of the prevalence of system abuse, the abuse I would take from my supervisors, dispatch, patients, and sometimes partners.  The absolute terror I felt my first CPR call, the absolute rush I felt my first CPR save, the pride I felt when a fellow provider came to me for advice on a case and I felt confident in the advice I gave. 

It’s EMS milestones like that; that I hang my hat on when I have a rough shift or a string of rough partners and/or shifts. 

My first shift back post ick fest was definitely one of those shifts that reinvigorated me and renewed my faith in myself as a provider and my desire to continue on in EMS.  I truly know this is for me.  I truly know that EMS is my calling despite having stumbled head first into the profession.

Sometimes I wonder when not if EMS will truly be reformed and EMS 2.0 will be actualized.  I really do think that I will get to see some of the reform in my lifetime.  I certainly hope so.  For now though I will continue to do what is best for my patients, continue my education, try my hardest to challenge myself, and most important remember why I fell in love with EMS in the first place… because sometimes I really do truly make a difference in a peoples lives. 

I Got Some Inspiratory Drive... Again... and Put Things into Perspective.

So I apologize for my absence from the Blogosphere…. I had bronchitis followed by pneumonia. 

I can attest to it being true that EMS and other medical professionals make the worst patients…

I was absolutely horrible. 

Initially the game plan was to allow whatever I had to run its course and move the hell on with life.

Well close to three weeks of working ill, puking in convenience store parking lots, having partners suggest I put a non rebreather on, two doctors appointments, a couple sets of chest films, threatened hospitalization, a dosage and course of antibiotics that could down a Budweiser Clydesdale, Codeine laced cough syrup and close to 10 days total off the road and in bed or on the couch…

I AM BACK!  *Insert Dr. Evil Laughter and Grin*

Working ill proved a few things to me…

A good partner is irreplaceable.  Truly.

 I could not have worked as long as I did in the condition I was in had I not had wonderful partners at my jobs.  Like I have stated in a prior post when you develop that sixth sense and really get to know each other solid teams really can pull off anything.

For example while horribly ill my not so large female partner, myself, and not so helpful lift assistance successfully treated and transported a bariatric patient with severe shortness of breath who kept stating, “I can’t do this!” 

Yes you can and will because NOBODY dies on my ambulance. 

Ok some do and have but yeah this one was not.

I also suddenly have this massive amount of sympathy for my respiratory patients. 

Truly

Not being able to breathe properly and adequately and trying to function is difficult as best. 

I was working while having a horrible time breathing.  Oh whatever I will admit it I was having a horrible time functioning as a human being.  I literally worked and slept.

Another thing that I found absolutely priceless was having a strong and willing support system in my personal life.  My friends and family truly got me through.  I needed to be driven to doctors appointments and they did without complaining.  I needed quiet and I got it and I needed help with basic tasks like making the bed because truly I was that exhausted and weak. 

Without a personal life and a strong support system you really can not be a complete EMS provider.

Complete EMS providers have a life outside EMS.  They go out with friends and family, they talk about other things outside EMS, they foster and nurture interests and hobbies outside EMS.

Complete EMS providers have lives contrary to some providers beliefs we are mere mortals are after all

Sometimes being the patient is a good thing it puts things into perspective.

I certainly needed it.

A Kinda' Unmerry Christmas and an Unhappy Birthday... Bah humbug... Kinda...

This Christmas season was rough to say the very least.

I knew that I would be working Christmas Eve which was fine with me as I am well aware that EMS operates 24/7/365. 

But I was promised Christmas Day off by all of my employers….

I went to check what unit I was scheduled to work and who I was working with on Christmas Eve and lo and behold….

1800-0600 12/25/2010 Unit XYZ with EMT Yadda Yadda

Management had pulled a vicious fast one.

I truly felt my heart rip from my chest and quickly fall and thud at my feet.

The adults involved in my Christmas plans would reluctantly understand…

BUT the two little girls, my nieces, who were SO excited to see me on Christmas, would not.

I had made a promise I would be with them on Christmas. 

I phoned my Mom and explained that someone had pulled a fast one and I was now working Christmas and would be unable to make the trip up North with them early Christmas morning. 

She offered to make the phone call to my nieces for me but I knew that the right thing would be for me to tell them.

I am big on saying what you mean, meaning what you say, and following through with your promises. 

My sister answered her cell phone and I explained what was going on and her reaction was pretty emotional. 

I knew that talking to my oldest niece would be even worse.

And it was.

My oldest niece cried and told me it was unfair that I told her I was coming and now I wasn’t… +1 for my niece -50 for me.

So Christmas Eve came.  I was alone.

Went to work on the most Silent Night ever…

Not call volume wise, partner wise.  Look in the picture dictionary under anti social and I am sure that my partners face would appear.

We had a steady night but were not slammed.  The hours we sat at post were torture for me because all dude did was sleep and snore, grumble, and demand we go to the convenience store to get him a meatball sub. 

Lovely *Insert eye roll here*

I got off on time on Christmas morning…  Merry Christmas to me

Christmas morning my parents decided that they had to see me and had to pull something together because they supposedly felt horrible for me but I suspect they felt even more horrible for themselves. 

I could hardly keep my eyes open because I couldn’t sleep on our down time the night before due to the snoring.  I was not really all that hungry because I was so exhausted.  It was very hard to muster excitement, gratitude, and happiness.

We opened gifts.  I got some good stuff from them but alas when I am exhausted, emotionally and physically drained, and just generally feeling screwed over and unable to do a thing about it I really stop caring. 

They left and I slept until it was time to go to work on Christmas night. 

I arrived to work and it immediately became apparent that management had done nothing for those of us on duty that evening.

Ugh.

Thank God my partner was a quality human being and a quality provider because she was the saving grace in a very difficult situation.

We proceeded to get slammed. 

It was clear dispatch was pissed that they were working Christmas night because the airwaves were about as cold as the outdoor temperature and that was pretty frigid.

Lovely

Every other patient was pretty damn sick.  Some were even critical and got diesel therapy and some pretty powerful pre-hospital interventions.

0000:  Happy Birthday to Me. 

I didn’t even realize it had come because when my birthday arrived I was literally trying to save a life.

To my patient:  Thank you so much for staying alive until we reached the ER.  I really don’t appreciate people dying on my watch on my birthday… just saying

We continued to run pretty solid.  I was hungry, exhausted, emotionally shot, and really ready to be done with the shift. 

I was officially bummed. 

As we neared the end of the shift dispatch gifted us a late run. 

Of course the call was in the far Southern end of our coverage area I now knew I would be getting off AT LEAST 45 minutes late.

Happy Freaking Birthday to Me

We arrived on scene, quickly assessed and packaged the patient and quickly got on the road.

Neither of us had ever delivered a patient to this facility nor were we familiar with the area as the truck that was supposed to be covering this far south had not been scheduled this particular shift for some odd reason. 

En route to Mystery Facility it became clear that we had been covering two coverage areas that evening. 

The entire shift now made perfect sense.

We delivered the patient to Mystery Facility.  Nice place.  Nice staff.  They made handover easy.  Karma was working in my favor. 

We cleared and it was now 0645… 45 minutes after shift was supposed to end.

The radio keys up…

ANOTHER run

We quickly got on scene as it was pretty close to the where we were.  It was a complete total BS call.  Read:  Someone doesn’t have a primary care doc and uses the ED as primary medical care.

We cleared and were finally told to fuel up and head back to the station.

At the station we restocked our truck and made sure everything was in order. 

I think I literally ran to my car, jumped in and hightailed it out of the lot.

I arrived home to my parents awaiting my arrival….

And a 32 inch LCD HDTV and a dozen roses

For about 10 minutes I was absolutely thrilled.

I then inquired as to what the time frame for the day was as it was my birthday and make up Christmas. 

I was supposed to see friends and family to celebrate. 

Supposed to… key words… supposed to….

Snow called all plans off. 

Nah I phrased that too nicely, snow crapped on the day’s plans. 

I am still unplowed and stuck in my house and it’s almost the 28th from a storm that ended VERY early this morning and began midday on the 26^th. 

Basically I would like to rewind this Christmas and my birthday and have plans work out the way they were supposed to. 

Generally I am the eternal optimist and try to find the best in each and every situation and person but the cumulative disappointment and the suckage of this whole situation is making that near impossible. 

Near being the key word…

I saved one life on Christmas and one on my birthday.  I served a higher purpose.  I allowed two human beings to live longer, two families more time with their loved one, nobody died on my watch.  For that I am thankful.

On the Lighter Side of Things because EMS isn't always about Thwarting Darwin. Sometimes It's About Getting Turned On...

The other night, the other VERY chilly night my partner and I loaded the patient into the truck.  I got into the back as it was my tech. 

Our very friendly but nervous elderly female patient said, “Miss it’s chilly in here can we have some heat please.”  I said, “Yes ma’am we can!”

I went to flip the heat switch and got nothing.  So I stuck my head up front and stated,

“Can you turn me…”

In the rearview mirror his eyebrow raised and he smiled a bit and said, “Need the module turned on eh?” 

I simply shook my head.

He flipped the switched and stated, “Consider yourself turned on!” 

Be Safe... Please be safe.

EMS providers are really are one big, dysfunctional, worldwide family…

This past week nearing the end of one of my many shifts my partner and I were en route back to the station to restock and handover the truck

Partner and I were joking and talking about the days calls when all the sudden we see one of our trucks and a semi in the middle of the grassy median.

The mood instantly went from jovial to dead silence.

Both of us felt like we were dying inside.  He looked over at me and without words we shared the same sentiment, “This isn’t happening”

Partner was driving so he put lights on, got traffic to the right and approached the scene.  As we approached we saw the truck was not in bad shape at all. 

We both audibly breathed a sign of semi relief. 

We then saw that between our guys and the semi was a HORRIBLY crumpled sedan. 

Our guys had come upon this horrible accident and were doing their jobs… in one, safe, untouched piece. 

The lump in my throat made me feel like I was choking.  I wanted to cry tears of joy.

Our guys were okay.

We asked if they needed assistance, they both made eye contact and they thanked us and told us they had it under control.  We nodded and uttered two words that until that day I didn’t fully recognize the complete significance of:

“Be safe”

That night everyone went home.  That night there were no EMS fatalities in the US, the US contingent of the EMS family remained untouched. 

This is not always the case. 

Each and every time I hear of an EMS LODD I can’t help but try to hold back tears, sometimes I cry.

I think I have the same fear every single one of us has in the back of our minds but does not talk about:

“Will today be the day I make the ultimate sacrifice?” 

Thank You...

This past week was rough to say the very least.

I worked both day shift and night shift at two different services.  The very little I was home I slept, showered, and attempted to write… without success.  My apologies I will try harder.

The new job is going really well.  I am rather relieved that a rather un-ideal situation is turning out to be pretty kick ass.   

That stated in the midst of running my ass off I was very tired and blah to be honest

Until…

My umpteenth respiratory distress patient grabbed my hand and looked into my eyes in the ER and said two words…

“Thank you.”

I don’t know if it was fatigue, relief that the new job is going well, genuine emotion on my part, or maybe a combination of all of those

I found myself with a lump in my throat. 

Two words confirmed that I had made a difference, do make a difference, and the crazy hours and low pay are genuinely worth it.

No, thank you ma’am

The Snowball Effect (What an apropos title for today!)

Cheyne Stokes Inspirations has been a work in progress for some time now.  In the process of creating the blog I read others blogs to draw inspiration, gain exposure to others ideas, and network. 

I communicate with my fellow bloggers on Twitter, Facebook, Skype and sometimes even text and phone conversations.  It’s awesome to put a voice and even more so a face to the posts, tweets, instant messages, texts, and phone conversations.

Have I met some amazing people?  HELL YEAH! 

I somewhat recently became familiar with Chronicles of EMS.  Or for you Twitter users #CoEMS.  And CoEMS is on Facebook as well!  Ah social media, LOVE it! 

Chronicles of EMS truly inspired me to launch the blog.  I am inspired and impressed by and interested in interacting with my fellow Chronicles of EMS folks, such as, Mark Glencorse (@UKMedic999) and Justin Schorr (@theHappyMedic) interact with EMS trailblazers such as Mark Taigman, Sam Bradley (@SamBradley11), Natalie Claire Quebodeaux (@MsParamedic), Kelly Grayson (@AmboDriver), Chris Kaiser (@Ckemtp), Scott Kier (@MedicSBK) and last but certainly by no means least Thaddeus Setla (@setla) and the list goes on and on!  I apologize if I left you out! 

If you feel anything like I do about your own system, you are consistently and constantly disappointed, frustrated, disheartened, and feel as if you can not truly make change because nobody is listening. 

BUT...

There are people who WILL listen…

Put yourself out “there”.  Start blogging, follow us on Twitter, you get the idea.  Really engage yourself, make the effort to network because it really does get you places. 

As I have stated before and I will again:

Changing the EMS system and recruiting and retaining committed, quality, educated, engaged, progress minded, engaging, and hard working EMS providers begins AND ends with you and I! 

I know I can't do this alone and I don't intend to because I simply don't have to. 

I get by with a little help with a little help from my friends.